By: Taylor Johnson @KTaylorPSB
The first 20 minutes of the episode recap on how Ben is a jerk and is essentially a snooze fest because we already knew that. I was starting to wonder why the first 20 minutes were so boring but then Des showed up and she brought the boring with her. However, the guys brought the entertainment with their ridiculous entrances and really brought it after a few drinks. Here’s a list of the remaining guys after the rose ceremony listed from the front runners to the losers of the bunch.
Chase, 27: Chase flew under the radar on the first night but I think he’s going to go pretty far this season. The medical sales rep seems like a super sweet nice guy, so hopefully JoJo can let go of some of the bad boys that every girl is attracted to and keep around a nice guy that actually has a job.
Jordan, 27: Lucky for Jordan I don’t know anything about football but apparently he’s the crappier of his brother, Aaron, at football. My best Bachelorette guy would say that JoJo gets a ring from Jordan but quickly returns it when she finds out he’s her version of Josh Murray from Andi’s season. Of course he got the first impression rose because we have all saw it coming. For more drama on Jordan follow his ex on Instagram who he apparently cheated on and is planning to put him on blast each week so that will be fun!
Luke, 31: Despite Luke’s creepy picture on the ABC website he isn’t half bad to look at, and JoJo absolutely agrees. The fact that he rode in on a unicorn gives him major bonus points with JoJo.
Christian, 26: His pictures online are very deceiving, the dude hits the gym. He’s 26 and takes care of his little brothers. I have a lot of faith in Christian being the first black dude to make it to the second half of the season, so don’t mess this up Christian.
Wells, 31: Wells brought out a singing quartet of the limo with him for entrance and even had them follow him around the mansion with JoJo. Wells knows that JoJo is out of his league which isn’t great for his confidence but I can appreciate the honesty.
James Taylor, 29: I would like James a little more if he didn’t go by two first names like Ricky Bobby. He’s a singer/songwriter from Texas so the assumption is always he is here to get famous.
Robby, 27: Robby lost cool points for being a former competitive swimmer. Won cool points for giving JoJo wine straight from the bottle.
Grant: Grant is king of instagram filters. Not that he isn’t attractive but I feel kind of catfished seeing him without a filter. That being said he isn’t as into himself as Chad is so that’s a positive.
Alex, 25: Alex seems sweet but unfortunately Alex has short man’s complex. Doing pushups with a girl on your back the first night looks like you’re trying to prove something, and also gives us a pass to make fun of you.
Derek, 29: Thanks to former Bachelorette contestant Tanner Tolbert for pointing out that Derek is Jim from The Office. Does Pam know you are on The Bachelorette Jim?!
James F, 34.: James is super lame.
Will, 26: Will need to work on his comedy delivery. That being said he is hilariously awkward, and really easy to make fun of. JoJo gave him the most friend zoned kiss that made America cringe.
Ali, 27: Either he has a really bad tan line or he doesn’t blend his foundation into his neck very well. Either one of them are suspect if you ask me. Also Ali looks like he just woke up from a nap in his tux. Sorry you had to get up to meet the Bachelorette Ali.
Nick B., 33: I finally figured out that Nick B was Santa the entire night. It would be one thing to dress like that for your entrance but staying dressed as Santa the entire night was a little strange.
Vinny, 28: His name is Vinny, he is from New Jersey, has a terrible haircut, and drinks too much. So really he signed up for the wrong reality show or missed the Jersey Shore casting call.
Brandon, 28: Brandon is a hipster who doesn’t watch TV and I’m going to also assume he drives a Prius and doesn’t eat gluten.
Evan, 33: So Evan went from being a Pastor to an Erectile Dysfunction Specialist. I don’t even want to know what the connection is in between the two jobs. Not only does he have a really creepy job, but he has a really creepy mustache to go along with it.
James S.: James S. is me. Bachelor superfan who even creates Bachelor brackets. The only problem here is James S. is a dude.
Chad, 28: Chad is the true definition of a Chad. A total jerk that hits the gym twice a day and talks about the gym when he’s not there. That being said his snarky comments are amazing. Him and Lace from Ben’s season would seriously be perfect for each other. They both are a total mess, but their sarcastic comments and obsession with eye contact make for a great foundation for a relationship.
Daniel, 31: Where do I begin with Daniel? One, his occupation is “Canadian.” According to Canadian Bachelorette Kaitlyn Bristowe that doesn’t pay the bills. He also has an odd obsession with the viral video “Damn Daniel” of two 15 year olds which is cringe worthy, you’re 31 dude. Lastly, he drank so much that he ended up in his underwear. All this and he still managed to stay another night which is proof that the Bachelorette producers have a lot of say in who stays and who goes.
Coley, Jonathan, Jake, Sal, Peter, and Nick S. all went home, but no one cares because total they got 5 minutes of air time. The best part of the end of this episode was when Jake Pavelka (former Bachelor) showed up and made us all think he wanted to join the season to find love with JoJo. Turns out Jake just showed up to give JoJo advice, because his season and choosing Vienna went so well.
Stay tuned for next week because I can’t wait to see them embarrass themselves more, but mainly Chad. I can’t wait for Chad to embarrass himself more.
Taylor Johnson serves as Brandon Clay’s personal stylist and is one of the most fashionable people in Atlanta. She’s also the resident expert on Hulu and Netflix. While attending graduate school at Georgia State, she’ll contribute to various categories throughout the PSBPopCulture.com site. You can follow her on Twitter @KTaylorPSB.