#EntertainmentPSB: Bachelorette Episode Two – June 7, 2016
By: Taylor Johnson @KTaylorPSB
I have a feeling that this season’s wardrobe budget department got a major increase. For one, JoJo’s hair extensions are flawless. The rest of the budget went straight to her wardrobe for some amazing fashion for a pretty penny. But I guess a flawless wardrobe is the reward The Bachelorette gets for having to hang out with these guys all season. Kidding, some of them aren’t that bad but some of them, okay just Chad, is really that bad. The theme of this episode “everyone hates Chad.” The Chad story line is very familiar to Olivia last season, although the producers didn’t waste any time making us like Chad on episode one. Before I go on my Chad rant, let me spend a few seconds recapping the other dates this week.
First up, a group date with: Luke, Grant, Will, Evan, Daniel, Vinny, Ali, James F, Wells, and Robby. The group of guys attempt to compete as real firefighters to save JoJo from a burning building. I think the lame joke count about the date being “hot” or trying to light JoJo’s fire was up to seven but I stopped counting. The worst joke was of course made by Daniel (you know the one that got naked night one) and it involved him referring to his “hose” in a joke I don’t feel comfortable repeating so you’ll have to watch the episode for yourself. Wells the radio DJ who weighs 95 lbs soaking wet (he was literally soaking wet from almost dying all day) couldn’t handle the heat. Plot twist, Grant the professional firefighter wins the competition. Despite all of Grant’s hard work, Wells gets the worst kind of rose, a sympathy rose from JoJo. The most exciting part of this date was JoJo’s all white two-piece outfit.
Back at the mansion we have Chad vs. the other guys. Chad literally has a suitcase full of protein around his waste doing pull ups off the Bachelor mansion. I find it very hard to believe the mansion doesn’t have a gym but then again I have a feeling Chad works out like this often. The rest of the dudes are forming an 8 man boy band writing songs about JoJo. As much as America doesn’t want to admit it, Chad had a right to boycott this boy band.
Next up Derek, aka Jim Halpert, have the first one on one date. This date was a total snooze fest and they both spent the majority of the time talking about their exes; JoJo’s ex from 5 minutues ago, and Derek’s that still apparently makes him cry. They both choose to go on a date to dress down but unfortunately dressing down makes Derek look even more like Jim from the office….and not in a good way.
Back to Chad. Chad has decided to make Daniel his protégé and instructs him to meet him at the pool wearing a matching black tank top (I’m assuming that’s what happened). Chad gives Daniel some dating advice and tells him to be a real jerk to girls because those guys are really the nice guys (I don’t know what that means either). Chad decides to break it down to use the only way he knows how, a protein shake reference. “if you were making a protein shake of the group of dudes here, half of that dude protein shake would you know have like zero chance.” So it’s much more clear what Chad is talking about now.
The second group date is: Jordan, Christian, Nick, James Taylor, Alex, and Chad. This date the guys compete at ESPN for two talk show hosts to power rank from best to worst. Chad basically refuses to participate because he can’t prove his love for someone he doesn’t love yet. Again, America can’t disagree with Chad and they hate it. Enough about Chad on this date, let’s talk about how it only took Jordan until episode two to name drop his brother Aaron Rodgers. Like his football career, Jordan doesn’t even make the top of the leaderboard for the power rankings. Chad’s quote of the night “The best thing about Jordan is his brother. The worst thing about Jordan is, he’s not his brother.” AGAIN how can you disagree with this America?!
This date begins the Alex vs. Chad feud. My best comparison for this is if The Rock and Kevin Hart hated each other. James Taylor gets the rose because he wrote some sappy poem, bold move for week two but good for you James Taylor.
Rose ceremony time means more Chad hating. Chad speaks the truth again because he refers to the battle as Chad vs. The Care Bears and I instantly start loving Chad. I love a good short joke and Alex literally had to jump up in a chair so Chad for the win again. While Chad is stuffing his face with the meat platter the guys of the boy band are so bored all they have to talk about is Chad. Well guys if y’all were as entertaining as Chad the viewers would have something else to talk about too. Chad survives the rose ceremony, but unfortunately so does little Alex. Chad tells America the truth one last time for the night “Alex got a rose because JoJo doesn’t want America to think she hates short guys.”
The hipster, the bachelor super fan, and some guy named Will go home but we all saw that coming.
Next week we get a double dose of Chad, back to back episodes on Monday and Tuesday night!
Taylor Johnson serves as Brandon Clay’s personal stylist and is one of the most fashionable people in Atlanta. She’s also the resident expert on Hulu and Netflix. While attending graduate school at Georgia State, she’ll contribute to various categories throughout the PSBPopCulture.com site. You can follow her on Twitter @KTaylorPSB.